Explosions tonight--- I heard explosions and went out to see fireworks exploding over the river. The end to some concert in the park by the Arts Centre, I think. Not the military driving away the vile, batrachian Manxmen or the Evil, Alien Esquimaux.

I did watch "Mad Men" this evening. Memory says that Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo has begun watching "Mad Men". I wish I could talk with her about it. Laura-Ashlee at bladeoftheknife was a major "Mad Men" fan. I miss being able to call her on Sunday nights and dissect "Mad Men" episodes.

There have been Voices unexpectedly on the aether. Katy V. called a few times out of the San Antonio night--- lonely, alone, boyfriend living in California. I did have some temporary use. But there's no one I can just call. And watching Don Draper on "Mad Men" tonight, I realised that there's no one to whom I can just...talk. No one to whom I can be unfiltered and open. I could do that with Lacey--- always Lacey. And with Britt-Nicole and Laura-Ashlee at bladeoftheknife. Only those three. Not even Lissy at emigree--- even when we were close and spoke often, there were things I couldn't just feel free to talk about with Lissy. But...Lacey, Britt-Nicole, Laura-Ashlee. Only three people in all my life. I hate looking at my phone and thinking that there's no one--- Melbourne to Manhattan to Montreal ---that I can just call and talk to late at night. I miss having Laura-Ashlee or Britt-Nicole call and just reach out to me.

I do need that: Come under the covers. It will be Safe. I can't imagine being told that ever again.

Miss Ginny in Montreal remains my Obsession en titre. I wish we could talk late at night. I think I could feel Safe with Miss Ginny. She is someone who knows parts at least of my life and Past, who knows how I think. She wrote me once to say that I was never to doubt that she and I would be together in Vienna one day. I'd like to hear her voice, to learn the nuances in her voice, to learn her accent and her laugh.

I do wish I could hear Alessandra at bel_ebat's stories about her first year at law school.

I can be good at some things. You make girls think they can do...anything. Lacey always said that. I'm good for BRDYTW girls who find themselves lonely and alone late at night.

I just miss having Voices out there. I miss being able to just...talk into the dark. I miss thinking that there are lovely bright gentle affectionate girls who'd just...listen, who'd listen and still believe that I have some value.