Turning cold tonight. Down to 43 degrees, the weather forecasts say. I have a new hooded Yale sweatshirt in navy. I could pull it on and go out on the balcony and drink Ardmore single-malt. I probably will--- but the Yale hooded sweatshirt won't be as good as the grey Columbia hooded sweatshirt Lissy at emigree wears, or the blue Columbia sweatshirt the Other Melissa at kraftig_bewegt wears. It won't be as good as hooded red McGill sweatshirt Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo wears. Just as 43 degrees here won't be as good as whatever it'll be tonight in Manhattan or Montreal.

I watched a film tonight called "Strictly Sexual"--- an okay little comedy. I added it to my Netflix queue because it was Laura-Ashlee's Netflix queue. Laura-Ashlee at bladeoftheknife recommended it to me once upon a time. Amber Benson is in it--- someone I've always found really hot. And she got to sleep with Willow there on "Buffy"--- I remain massively jealous. Not a great film, but lines I could've laughed over with Laura-Ashlee. I do hate it that I'll never get to talk with her again, that she'll never know that I rented the film or that I still miss her.

I'd meant to open this entry with a quote from my lovely architect friend in San Francisco. She opened an e-mail not long ago with: "Back when I was first in San Francisco, getting blowjob lessons from a couple of Satanists..." Ummmm...okay. That's about as good as opening line for a coming-of-age novel as you're likely to find. I remember that Laura-Ashlee at bladeoftheknife told me that Fernanda Eberstadt's "Low Tide" was the best coming-of-age novel she'd ever read. I wish I could've had the chance to talk with her about it. Lissy at emigree read "Low Tide" just before she wrote up her "Revolver, Dauphin" Nr. 5 'zine. Noted it in her bibliography there. I wish I could've had her call one night from Baltimore and tell me what she thought. Just as I wish I could hear what Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo thinks of it.

My lovely architect friend's line--- ""Back when I was first in San Francisco, getting blowjob lessons from a couple of Satanists..." I really need to hear the whole story. I really do wish I knew her Stories from her 16-22 days. (Details Matter!) And..."a couple of Satanists": does that mean two Satanists...or a Satanist couple? (Details Matter!) It is a great coming-of-age line... I only wish I could've told Britt-Nicole about it. Or re-enacted it with Laura-Ashlee. I wish I could've asked Laura-Ashlee what she thought of Amanda Boyden's "Pretty Little Dirty"--- and asked Miss Ginny and Lissy, too.

Lissy at emigree lists "travel writing" as an interest in her profile. I know that she once signed up for a class in Travel Lit back at her two-year college in Baltimore. Is she still interested in travel lit? What is she reading these days? I hate it that I'll never know what books she's discovered in the last year or so. Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo is a major fan of travel writing--- she and I have discussed things like Taras Grescoe's "The End of Elsewhere" and Karen Muller's "JapanLand". I always love sharing bibliographies with Miss Ginny. I do want her to read Peregrine Hodson's "Circle Round the Sun" and Alex Kerr's "Lost Japan" and Jason Elliott on Iran. I want to be able to have her lie in my arms in the Pod Hotel in NYC and tell me about travel lit. After all--- Miss Ginny and I both buy Lonely Planet guides to pore over late at night.

I'd like to hear from Trish at kissingverlaine, too--- about travel books like Philip Glazebrook's "Journey to Kars" or Tim Mackintosh-Smith on the Yemen.

I know that I'll never hear from Lissy at emigree about her Year Nine Minimalist Living List any more than I'll hear about what she took with her when she moved to her new university. But I really do wish that Miss Ginny would write about her own Minimalist Living List...and about what she took with her when she moved into her flat in Montreal. I do want to read Miss Ginny's Lists. (Details Matter!) Just as I want to hear all about her own Stories, hear about Miss Ginny's own coming-of-age film-in-the-head.

Drinking Little Black Dress pinot grigio tonight. The weather is changing, though. Time to move back to red wines, to pinot noir and malbec on colder nights. I should go pull on my hooded Yale sweatshirt and stand out on the balcony and light and cigarillo and drink single-malt. The two leggy slutgirls in the houses across the street have a habit of smoking joints and drinking late nights on their porches--- just in t-shirts or oversized sweaters. They're both worth watching. They'll never speak to me, but they are visual treats. Still--- as I said: the hooded navy Yale sweatshirt will never be as good as the hooded Columbia sweatshirt Lissy wears, or Miss Ginny's red McGill sweatshirt.

Nothing that I do or have is as good as things that lovely friends in real cities might have or do. Nothing that I am is ever as good as what they are.

I do remain angry that no one has left her own Minimalist Living List at my earlier entries. Just as I remain glum that no one writes to talk about books or music or just exchange Stories and repartee. My phones are silent, and there are never exchanges of notes any more. I do hate it that there are never exchanges of Lists and memes any more. I hate not knowing Stories.

In the Year Seven, someone wrote to tell me not to be afraid. I wouldn't die alone, she said, and I wouldn't die in this state. I would have a life, she said, and travels and love in my life. She lied. Just as Laura-Ashlee at bladeoftheknife lied. Just as Lissy at emigree and the Other Melissa at kraftig_bewegt lied when they said I was valuable and valued.

I did send Miss Ginny a gift LJ account. I do hope she'll use it to add many a Slavic Supermodel userpic. Miss Ginny has good taste in leggy, deliciously-starved, ethereal, sharp-cheekboned models from the clone vats in Novorossisk and Tallinn. I trust Miss Ginny/Liedeczka's tastes in such things.

A crisp cool night here, with wind in out of the north and west. Nishi no kaze hare--- West Wind, Clear. I should be at a cafe table in the West Village or on rue Sherbrooke Ouest on quayside in Tallinn, having a girl like Miss Ginny read Tarot cards for me. Or lying on a deck somewhere on the Carolina coast, with Laura-Ashlee pointing out stars to me while we were tripping on Ecstasy.

I might settle for a Voice on the aether.

Not that I'll ever have that again.