Woke up late this morning--- in and out of the shower and on my way to work in ten minutes. Up 'til 0500 on the phone to a beautiful green-eyed girl in the Birmingham hills. We talked and the skies out over the courtyard went from black to grey-blue. I could talk to her all night--- here, in her dorm room at Samford, in a rented cottage on the Outer Banks, in rented rooms in Marrakech or Tallinn.

Neko Case, She Wants Revenge, My Bloody Valentine, Sonic Youth, Joy Division... I love her tastes in music. I love her voice when she sings, too.

I went out on the upper deck a little while ago with a cigarillo and a large glass of shochu-and-lime. I like doing that at twilight. Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo always wrote about smoking Marlboro Lights there on the sands of a beach in Mexique, or about being a New England co-ed on a liminal evening with a cigarette and a drink, standing barefoot in short shorts and a hoodie, dreamy on Ecstasy at a college lawn party. My beautiful opera girl only smokes occasionally--- she does have a voice to protect ---but she told me that she'd always smoke with me on a dock at twilight, or at Baltic cafes. I told Laura that she needs a stainless-steel Art Deco cigarette case. It's just one of those props every wicked beautiful girl needs. Every nomad girl needs a pashmina with her for flights and airport bars, every lovely hipster girl needs an Art Deco cigarette case.

Miss Ginny needs keffiyehs. The beautiful green-eyed Laura in Birmingham needs keffiyehs, too. She wants a Tuareg lover, I know. (So does Miss Ginny) I'll start her off with a keffiyeh. And Laura needs a cigarette case, too. Dunhills and joints, both.

Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo did post meme lists for the letters L and M. Yes...I do want to know what Lissy at emigree did with a meme list for the letter I. Marina at prettyuniverse assigned Miss Lissy the letter I--- and, yes, I'd give a lot to be able to read that.

Miss Ginny listed "Lebanese food" as an L-item. I agree. And it sent me to get a falafel at lunch. Her other L-items... hmmm... She has good choices: libations, (snow) leopards, London, Lux Lisbon, languid days, and Nabokov's unfinished The Original of Laura. Miss Ginny calls herself Liedeczka sometimes, making her a Designated L-Girl--- putting her in my list of L-Girls: Libet, Lacey, Lissy...and now Laura.

She listed M-items, too. Moscow...of course. Mandarin oranges, Mexican beaches, My Bloody Valentine, Morocco.... And...models. Well, of course: always the tall, cachexical girls on runways, the Leggy Russian Giraffes Miss Ginny and I both fantasise about. She also listed Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"--- a brilliant, brilliant novel. Something I've loved since I was fourteen or fifteen. I so want to see "Master and Margarita" filmed. And let's be clear: Jeremy Irons must be Behemoth, or at least his voice. Libet needs to read the novel. So does my green-eyed, leggy, panty-free Laura. And Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo so needs to talk with me about the novel... I do want to hear what Miss Ginny thinks of "The Master and Margarita".

Miss Ginny at ginny_mccoo wrote me once to say that she thought Lissy at emigree was a wonderful writer and delightful person and would make a wonderful best friend. [I used to imagine taking Miss Ginny to NYC and shopping with her in BookCulture, where she runs into Lissy...] I do think Miss Ginny would like my Birmingham L-Girl, too. Miss Ginny once told me she'd love to marry me in Savannah in a ceremony in a dive bar on River Street; Laura told me she wants to marry me in the registry office in Tallinn. I'd do either or both. And I'd love for each of them to be Wicked Co-ed of Honour at the other's wedding. We none of us take marriage or monogamy at all seriously, but the idea of weddings in Savannah or on the Baltic--- that is a delight.

My Birmingham girl and I talked about the Incestuous Siblings Fantasy last night. I told her about how Lissy at emigree wanted the Incestuous Siblings Fantasy to have a tragic and film noir ending. Oh, no, Laura said. Fucking never. No tragic endings for us. If I'm your Incestuous Teen Sibling, I get the happy ending--- running away with you to Europe, being with you always. I think I told her about the song--- Rachael Yamagata doing "Pause the Tragic Ending". I'd marry you in Tallinn or Tokyo she said. Fake names and everything. But you have to get on your knees and ask. Evil Incestuous Older Sibling or not--- I would.

Laura tells me that whenever she hears Neko Case sing "Hold On, Hold On" she always thinks of me: I leave the party at 3 a.m./ Alone, thank God/ With a valium from the bride/ It's the Devil I love... I so love that... And, yes: I need her to sing the song to me.

She called me after midnight last night to tell me that, yes: Tokyo, Barcelona, Vienna, Buenos Aires--- she wanted to go with me everywhere. All I could say to her was that the Magic Formula always works both ways. Tokyo, Barcelona, Tallinn, Marrakech--- I'd go with her anywhere.

Miss Ginny and I used to talk about that: one carry-on bag and a laptop. Cheap flights to the Baltics or Morocco. I'd do that with Miss Ginny/Liedeczka anytime. And I'd do it with Laura tonight. Walk out of this flat and this life, abandon the job and the Saturn and the books and just take the passport and Dorian and go. She sings--- sings beautifully. I want Laura to sing "Deep Red Bells" or "Runnin' Out of Fools" at a jazz bar in Tokyo. I want her to sing Holly Beth Vincent's "Honalu" to me from a cabaret stage in Strasbourg or Treviso or a tiny bar in the West Village.

Miss Ginny got my message about the letters L & M. I wish I knew how often she reads here. I wish she'd leave more notes. Yes--- I've had a major Obsession with Miss Ginny since early in the Year Five. My green-eyed opera girl loves that, loves Miss Ginny's ability to have crushes on Older Men and beautiful models all at once. Laura's only kissed one girl, but she's like Miss Ginny: queer by aesthetics.

Grey, my green-eyed girl said. I don't care if you go grey. I'd like that. I think I want you grey. Okay, then. If it happens, it happens. After all--- it might be a distinguished look, even for an Evil Older Predator. Miss Ginny has never worried about introducing me to family or friends. I want Laura to feel the same way. She did tell me one key thing--- that she'd never be ashamed of what we are or what we do. Good. Because I'm proud of her--- my lovely green-eyed panty-free BRDYTW girl. And she promised me two key things: that she'd follow me to Marrakech...and that she'd never, never let me paralyse myself with fears.

Laura collects vinyl. She has a wonderful collection of vinyl--- indie bands, Dylan, jazz and classical. Vinyl is such a wonderful thing. And, yes, I want to hear Lee Hazlewood right now, hear him do "The Days Were of Roses" and "No Train to Stockholm"... Miss Ginny writes about listening to Thai garage bands on vinyl. Lissy at emigree used to write about playing midnight croquet at her family's summer house in northern Sweden while listening to '60s Polish soul bands on vinyl. I so want to do that with my Birmingham girl: have her barefoot on the lawn at midnight in just a boy's shirt, playing croquet while listening to '60s Polish soul bands on vinyl.

Listening to Neko Case and drinking shochu-and-lime... I need to talk to Miss Ginny about Peter Matthiessen's "The Snow Leopard". And I so want her to tell me about the Kenya thing.

Laura, though... I need her barefoot in just one of my shirts, sitting with a cigarette atop a baby grand, passing a joint back and forth, drinking shochu-and-lime. My green-eyed opera girl makes all my niche predator instincts come alive. And she makes me feel exhilarated and thrilled. I feel...valued and valuable.