I'm now HighDesertSnow at last.fm, should any lovely clever readers and correspondents be last.fm listeners...

I slept late this morning--- lots of tequila shots late in the night. I could hear rain when I awakened, and it's a Sunday morning that's far more like October than late August. Maybe 70 degrees, windy, steady rain. I sat outside for a while and wrote in my paper journal and watched the wind stir the trees. I had music that Kelsey at clush recommended there on the little Psyduck iPod--- Thievery Corporation, Tosca, Bebel Gilberto. And a few things--- Alizee, Sally Shapiro ---that Ginny at ginny_mccoo recommended.

Despite all the tequila shots, I wasn't hung over. Tired a little, and dreamy. I took a long drink of Vitamin Water and put on Philip Glass' "Solo Piano", his "Metamorphosis" One and Two. It's a morning for doing things like that: switching from t.a.t.u. doing "All About Us" or covering "How Soon Is Now" to Glass' "Metamophosis Two".

Two unexpected phone conversations last night, and with delightful synchronicity. Two calls, one very unexpected, with exactly the same proposition: tell me about Byzantium and I'll do major phonesex with you. One call like that would be clever enough; two in a night is...brilliantly strange. Thank you, John Julius Norwich. Lord Norwich gets major thanks for his "History of Byzantium".

One call from Montreal--- always delightful ---and one from the shores of the Chesapeake. Whenever I say "a girl in Baltimore" now, I'm going to have be more precise. There's another girl in Baltimore now. My friend Joely reappeared there after vanishing from St. Paul at the beginning of the year.

I've known Joely for twenty years, since she was a dark-elfin goth girl trapped in a North Dakota high school. She's in Baltimore now, sleeping on a futon in an old classmate's spare room. Joely has a JD, and she passed the Bar in California and Minnesota. She has an MBA that she finished up in December of the Year Seven. She's the only person I know who's in worse student loan shape than I am--- she did a private university, a private law school, and a private university MBA program all on loans, and she's at well over two hundred thousand now, with penalties and interest adding up. Marriage and bad divorce straight out of law school, a couple of episodes of bad depression, and working now in Baltimore as a part-time temp. She hasn't been able to use either the MBA or her law degree to get a career. She called to drink tequila shots by phone and flirt wickedly and tell me that she was obsessing over Byzantium.

(Girls obsessing over Byzantium--- that has to have something to do with the imminence of the Day of the Muffled Oar)

Thinking about Byzantium makes me wet, Joely said. And you're the only person I can think of who'd appreciate that. Afterwards, she poured more tequila on her end and laughed: And I really want to build a trebuchet. I really want a trebuchet. I can't talk to anyone else about wanting a trebuchet, either.

Joely was the first girl ever to call me on a mobile to flirt. This was back in law school, when I didn't have a mobile yet. Joely called from Minneapolis on a long-ago New Year's Eve to say that she was seeing Bryan Ferry in concert, and that he was doing "Avalon". And then she told me that there was this very nice little corner of the venue where she leaning against the wall...and asked if I thought Bryan Ferry's voice made her as wet at thirty as it did at twenty. You could check that, I said. And she let me know that, yes, she was checking, and that I should know that (1) she had nothing on under her black skirt and that (2) the corner alcove was...private. I looked at my landline and thought that, okay, maybe there was some small consolation being granted me for not being out on a New Year's Eve...

Joely called back this morning at 0930--- it was her call that did wake me up. She told me that the temp jobs were paying almost nothing, and she apologised for not being able to fly down here. And then she asked if I'd visit her there. Yes. Yes, I would. I heard myself accepting the invitation and thought, okay--- we'll go. We'll fly. I'd have done that in my Lost Youth--- flown into DC and had her meet me. I am not the sum of my fears. I told her we'd shoot for mid-October. I've been at the firm for five years. I've never taken a day off. They can live without me for a Thursday-through-Monday trip. So--- the plan is to go up and see Joely in Baltimore come October. My hands aren't trembling at the thought of the flight. I am not the sum of my fears.

I still have a loaner while my car is being worked on. I put gas in it, so I do need to use it. Go see "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" at the 1630 showing. Easy enough to do. The cineplex is out beyond my usual fixed circuit--- which makes it all the better. There are too many simple things I've been afraid of for too many years--- and it's all a matter of just getting in the car and going. There's trance music--- Elsa Hill, "Close Your Eyes" ---on the Psyduck iPod. Kelsey at clush recommended it. It does make me feel like...getting up and not letting inertia blanket me. I am not the sum of my fears. I need to remember that, now and in October and for the rest of my days.